AMountainBear

I want to build a castle I want to construct a tower Piercing through the sky To touch the heavens But I'm tired of feeling my life's dreams And never the fruit My head splits As I claw into my mind I want to burn it down Brick by brick Watch fire fall from the sky Down into the deep Ashes to the ocean Drifting to the bottom Dancing in the current Scattered and intertwining As the stone fades to black And I can't handle the heat in my chest I remember what led me here And why I can't sit tight Because I've had a taste of something greater And that apple is too strong That compels me not to put up, All that structure must come down Fueled

Lying awake Trying to understand Make sense of the conflict And feelings inside my depths Make a plea for help Watch the stars pass by Wonder where you are And where you lie so far But the world is in orbit The balance feels right I sense deep down The heart of our night Because I've harmed myself Though still never perfect I feel everything I scan the night sky Looking for your face In awe of our life

I feel so alive and tainted There is so much I want to do but can't For fear of my regret and shame I can't live with that blame But sins pounding on me with the capacity to take I wonder whether any difference makes There's a fire burning I can feel it rise withing me Pounding down on my head and I can't escape It urges me to keep running I can see into this earth's core And I now know what I've become I cannot ignore the colors I see Taunting me with their eyes Can I gain anything from this? I don't know if my crawling is my answer

Why can't I tell you you're beautiful? When you care about someone so much, it hurts this much. That I have to kill off everything inside me for you to survive. I just want to give you a shoulder for your pain, just some comfort. I don't delude myself, I'm not a knight in shining armor. I'm not a phenomenal human being who changes the world. I just want to matter to you.

No one has ever been completely satisfied with their life No, that's not true There have been plenty who have had enough Found their desire or peace Contentment And rest But not me, you see, There is a hole in my heart From something I yet have And each day I try to fill it With anything I can get my hands on The suffering I cause Destroyed by overwhelmed perception I could burn everything down To fill this space in my chest Secret desire, hidden eyes Am I ashamed of what I am?

(Stalk me) Trapped inside this box I fear and I call The insecurity now Fades into the dark Will I be alright tonight? Decipher what's on my mind Tell me it's alright I feel the mist sink in Still moves do not impress me (Understand my mind) Trapped inside these walls Tender realization I think I want it this time But will not last in the morning Your voices, they are driving me insane Dark calms don't show me the way Will I miss? Do not think those things Still moves I dread will take me (The cycle will continue) Trapped inside my mind A self-wrecked fool When time is running out Savage thoughts, of another But not much revealed to me I do

If there was a single heart that could beat It would know too much It would extend out in the darkness And grab everything it could feel It would make a home wherever it would be It would know too little Like the light from top of the tower It wouldn't know where to look The beat would travel the system And faintly glow in the night In search of a home and a stop Digging deeper and deeper in It might know what to look for Because the first step to solving your problem is admitting it To reach out the door and step out into the world When who I am begets what I will become What happens to me? (I'm dying to say)

Oh God, why This pain that I feel Has gone on too long It can't be undefeated Inside I see Still on I bleed When doubt exists And fear will twist my mind Just a taste would have me away When I could go on Feeding from that day by day A sacred word that I could take And make a life by undertake But now we have retreated So undercooked I can't explain or fathom gain So what lies Beneath a silent cloud inside My mind, it has rehidden What it felt Down on your knees It beckoned forth to open up the seas And I don't know What comes around or what will go this time

I feel it deep in my veins In the discord and rhyme Underlying my skin Traveling, purging through me Branded for life I wear the mark given to me Whether shown on my sleeve Or hidden inside the smile Beneath warm ocean waves In the heart of the sea Lives a cancerous hope Drowning deep inside me Through the visions I see And the thoughts ringing loud The red in my hands Will not stop haunting me Of grinding and tearing Stick a pike through my chest Or take out these eyes With my tongue and my teeth I stand for one night Just to hear myself The bells always ringing Would knock me down Despite common sense Despite learned knowledge I can't